I resolved that things would get better when I moved. That moving to the city would provide me with better/more opportunities to meet attractive women. Since moving I’ve done an array of uncomfortable things to try and broaden my networks. I hate meeting new people. I hate having to start at 0 with people. It scares me. And I have had to do it so often recently.
I have not been expecting miracles. All I wanted was to try and make a few friends as a starting point. Yet almost every new person I’ve met since I moved has ditched me for no apparent reason. It would be fine if a person were to say ‘You know what? You’re a boring shit’ That would be better than not showing up at a scheduled meeting or blocking me on chat without explanation. That hurts more because now I feel like I have social gonorrhoea. And you wonder why I hate meeting new people?
I don’t want to ignore my standards and take what I can get. That would only leave me with old, fat, ‘disability support workers’ with obvious crippled fetishes. I know I deserve better. I know I need better. I also know that I am desperately lonely.