I read, read and read. So much that all my former schoolteachers would all laugh at that statement in overt irony. I was the kid who hated reading in primary school and the early part of high school. In my own defense it was because I was forced to read some truly shit house material. Reading non-fiction was not an option that was encouraged. I am rarely interested in fiction. I need pictures to imagine and for that I love my television beyond measure. Books for me enhance reality.
The same is true for my writing. I don’t consider myself to be a ‘decent’ writer by any measure, but even if I were, it could only be by writing non fiction: either writing about myself, or about politics. In fact I used to get in trouble at school for writing all my ‘fictional’ pieces as play by play commentaries of fictitious football matches. Port always won, naturally.
And so here I am: a once prolific blog writer with not much to write. There are several reasons for this.
Firstly I’ve become more cynical and superstitious. I have been reluctant to share good news here because every time I have it has blown up in my face. While seeing the reality of my words does wonders for personal development, I have decided to shut up and only share good news when it is life changing. Less pressure, less expectations, less drama. However, I still appreciate small victories.
Second as you can probably tell I hate my niche topic of writing. If the disability sector was bad before, it is certainly worse now. I have been criticised as ‘cynical and deconstructive’. Damn right I am. If constructive is what passes for the ‘action’ in the Australian disability sector recently I wish not to be part of it. Most of the participants hate me, and I hate them too. So I am trying to divorce myself from all the shit, at least as much as I am able to. I have stopped writing about the disability sector until I am invigorated by the challenges again (if that ever happens at all). It is just not worth the effort. I am relieved by this decision. Others are too I am sure.
Lastly, there is so much pop culture I have loved recently and wanted to write about, but I have not had the energy to (I will probably collate them all in a giant post in the next few days). This is largely because I am on to my ninth draft (Yes ninth!) of the second chapter of my thesis, and as much as I prefer to write here, work remains the priority, as does dealing with my current bureaucratic bullshit.
Fear not my (small) readership. I am here and I will be back. If you are curious to know: my mood is adequate, with a tasty side dish of ‘pissed off'. And that is the best I have felt in nearly two years. I would call these ‘small steps’ but I hate steps, so I will just call it a gentle sloping ramp.