Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Retired?

I’m wasting my nights…

I would like to be watching old TV shows, or movies, or reading the ever increasing list of books on my Kindle. Instead, I’m actively going against my anti-social nature by trying and failing to parse every candidate on internet dating websites. I’ve read most profiles two or three times now. In my mind, I have instantly ranked them:
  • Must Haves: The girls I click on instantly, the ones who I’d die to go out with.
  • Second Looks: These girls have an obvious flaw, but failing a lack of ‘must haves’ I’d go out with them on the basis of a second look.
  • Safeties: The girls who I think are beneath me, but may want to go out with me.
These days there are far too many ‘safeties’ and all the current ‘must haves’ have rejected me in some way or another. Scratch that: all girls from all categories have rejected me in one way or another. Lucky I am good at rejection. Rejection has existed all my life, so I am used to it. I am not afraid of it. I know I am rejection’s punching bag. It knocks me down and I get the fuck back up. It is not sad. It doesn’t make me upset (anymore), it is just life.

However 9 months at this endeavour and zero emotional intimacy achieved, means that internet dating has been pretty much fruitless. Sure I found TCF who has helped me survive and become my rock, and I have two new budding friendships on the horizon. All this is great, but it was not what I came for.

So on the advice of TCF, I took one final stab last week. She suggested that finding the right person should be based on my passions. So I typed in ‘politics’ into the advanced search results: six results. Yay! Except they were all variations on ‘don’t talk to me about politics’. So I typed in ‘Tegan and Sara’: 4 results. They were all girls looking for girls. Stereotypes can be accurate occasionally.

Now I have to wean myself off scouring internet dating search results, as pathetic as that sounds. I have decided to flip my schedule to cure my affliction: fun stuff in the day, work at night. I have the discipline to work because I know I have to do it. Fun stuff can be put off. Nobody does internet dating during the day, so no one will be there.

Productivity + fun- rejection = yay?

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