Saturday, 24 December 2011

Some (Pretend) Questions

Dear Made Up Religious Figurehead,

For arguments sake I’m going to pretend you exist, just for the hell of it.

If you don’t mind I have a few questions for you. It is not that I expect you to answer them or anything because you’re far too busy making innocent children cripples, or victims of pedophile rings, but do me a favour and just pretend you give a shit, like I’m doing right now.
  1. If you are really all seeing and all knowing why did you choose to have your son’s birthday on December 25th? Surely it would be better at the beginning of July so we could all indulge in a mid year break? You did not plan it very well.
  2. Was it your idea to turn this day into a commercial free for all where your subjects concentrate on getting the latest piece of shit, instead of actually celebrating your son's special day?
  3. Can you please stop the Australian TV Networks from airing Love Actually every 3 months? As much as we all love Hugh Grant dancing around like a wanker, those who are really obsessed can just buy the DVD.
  4. Why did Christopher Hitchens have to die before John Howard? You certainly have a taste for the ironic.
  5. Could you please tell the majority of your followers to stop being bigoted, judgmental arseholes?
  6. Could you also please tell them that is okay for anyone to get married if they want. It doesn’t matter if both people like sausages, tacos, or one of each.
  7. Please can you just fuck off? Or at least tell your followers to stop using your supposed teachings as justification for reprehensible behaviour?
Happy (Pretend) Birthday for Tomorrow,

Signed,

A disgruntled man whom you made a crip for no discernible reason whatsoever.

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