Thursday, 8 December 2011

(I Found Love?) In A Hopeless Place

I know you’ve been waiting for another installment in the adventures of the CripDater™, so here it goes. Five months later, how many dates have I been on? A big fat duck egg (alright, maybe a half of one?). Sure, I have been picky, but at the same time I haven’t been my usual judgmental bastard either. To qualify for my further interest I must find the female attractive, and they must have an above average level of intelligence.

You would think that consists a majority of participants, wouldn’t you? The grand total of people I was really interested in getting to know amounted to eight people, total. One became a friend, six rejected me, and as of the time of writing I’m not sure what will become of the eighth. ‘Dating’ (if you can even call it that) is an ugly son of a bitch, trench warfare if you will. And just like World Wars 1 and II the crippled tend to get massacred.

Or at least that is what you’d think.

I found my lack of success and frustration had nothing to do with my four wheeled seat. Mostly I’m out of favor because I know exactly what I want, and I go after it, sometimes with reckless abandon. I have the opposite problem to most it seems. Most could have anything they wanted, but don’t know exactly what they are looking for. So instead of going after yours truly, who seems to fit the ideal profile of ‘…a guy who doesn’t play games, is generous, caring and knows what he wants’ (I’m modest aren’t I?) it seems that women want the exact opposite: a dickhead who fucks around, be it physically or emotionally.

As is my want, I made a list at the start of this dating journey of the qualities I want in my partner (not in any particular order of importance):

1. Someone who I can share my life with
2. Who I can think about the first moment I wake up, and the last moment before I go to sleep, and know that they still love me
3. Who I can hold close and listen to beautiful music with
4. Who I am insanely attracted to
5. Someone who gets that songs are so powerful they can change your life.
6. Someone who I can talk to all night, while we watch the sun rise together
7. Who understands that life is tough
8. Who knows that love is unconditional, both to give and to receive
9. Someone who cares about the things I love most in the world (politics, music, and pop culture).

To me these nine things are non negotiable. Firstly, I will only investigate people who I think could meet these criteria (the eight in question seemed to on first impression). Secondly, if I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to converse with them, I would only date them if I was confident they could certainly meet two thirds (six out of the nine) of the criteria, hopefully if we then hit it off, ticks will occur across the board. Yes, I am anally analytical, but you knew that already.

The intangible factor is that I am really an old man at heart. Travelling is not a priority, nor is gallivanting or adventuring. Activities I enjoy including concerts and film festivals are much more desirable than backpacking or physical activity. At the end of a hard day of academic work I want to watch TV or a DVD, perhaps listen to a podcast or read a book with my partner within touching distance, or if I’m lucky, in my arms. During this five month period, it seems I’m the odd man out because when this is mentioned by a single woman online it is most often listed as an ‘occasional’ activity.

All of this is of course a great shame to me because I know that this is the time I want to settle down. I am an impatient and frustrated man. I don’t want to waste another decade waiting for nine ticks. And yet I know because I am a fussy bastard it might take even longer. Sometimes even when I thought I had nine ticks, I did not.

It is back to square one.

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