Saturday, 31 December 2011

Goodbye Cruel Year

I am writing this on the last day of my most bleak year.  Thankfully over the last two months I have been rewarded for enduring the misery and pain. I think a clear path towards happiness has been set up for 2012. At least I hope so.

The biggest lesson I have learnt this year is not to consume myself with one thing entirely.In previous years this has meant work or relationships. Easier said than done though it may be, I do wonder how long it will take me to truly learn this lesson. I think I'll spend the rest of my life constantly refraining from large emotional outpourings and failing. My trust must be harder to earn, as cruel as that may seem.

I have also learnt the true value of friendship. I know the people who will crawl down the mine just to fetch me out. This has allowed me to have a selective friendship group and recognise the rest as pretenders. This has given me a reality check I so desperately needed.

This year I took three great risks and was rewarded handsomely each time. The first ensured the following months were much happier than those that had gone before. The second resulted in the happiest day of 2011. The last resulted in the best night I had with anyone this year. The above results tell me that I must take more risks in 2012.

With the pain that came my way I gained a greater sense of self, and more importantly gained the ability to be more honest with myself than ever before. I certainly created more enemies than friends this year, and as each year passes the trend is bound to increase. I am who I am.

The crip with a chip who wears his heart on his sleeve and on his blog, the guy who loves and mourns overtly, who gives his opinions even when they are not asked for. The guy who does not suffer fools, because life is a waste of time for those who do. And he's the guy who keeps sitting up because he has no other choice.

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