It is strange when these sort of facts are brought out so plainly. I have contradictory reactions. On one level I’m not particularly bothered because human nature has already weeded out the dickheads and pretenders. On another level it frustrates me beyond belief because I’m at the point where I want to have two different kinds of relationships. Sure I want the deep and long lasting relationship where I meet someone special that I can have a long term relationship with. But I also want to have the occasional superficial one too that everyone else but me seems to have experienced. Consequently every time an even moderately attractive female is just the slightest bit friendly there is this automatic pressure to ‘make it count’. My next opportunity might well be years away. That and I can never tell whether a girl is actually flirting with me, just being nice or showing empathetic pity.
This past year, and in particular the past eight months have proven to me how rare any form of deep relationship is, friendly or otherwise. So when I was asked yesterday where I wanted to be in five years time, for the first time it had nothing to do with career goals.
I just want to be with the right person.