Saturday, 6 August 2011

The Right Person

Perhaps surprisingly there has been more reaction to my piece on online dating than anything else I have written. For the first time I have received personal emails from people who have shared similar experiences due to their disability. Without fail they all look upon online dating as a negative experience. They deride participants as superficial and shallow, and perhaps ironically don’t consider themselves to be, whereas I myself completely ignored people I found to be unattractive (Don’t be surprised, please). My experience with online dating seems to have statistically supported this conclusion. After contacting around 25 people whom I thought appeared interesting only one person responded. Significantly this person works in the disability sector and knows what having Cerebral Palsy actually means. Not surprisingly no one has contacted first.

It is strange when these sort of facts are brought out so plainly. I have contradictory reactions. On one level I’m not particularly bothered because human nature has already weeded out the dickheads and pretenders. On another level it frustrates me beyond belief because I’m at the point where I want to have two different kinds of relationships. Sure I want the deep and long lasting relationship where I meet someone special that I can have a long term relationship with. But I also want to have the occasional superficial one too that everyone else but me seems to have experienced. Consequently every time an even moderately attractive female is just the slightest bit friendly there is this automatic pressure to ‘make it count’. My next opportunity might well be years away. That and I can never tell whether a girl is actually flirting with me, just being nice or showing empathetic pity.

This past year, and in particular the past eight months have proven to me how rare any form of deep relationship is, friendly or otherwise. So when I was asked yesterday where I wanted to be in five years time, for the first time it had nothing to do with career goals.

I just want to be with the right person.   

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