Saturday, 23 July 2011

I Sit & I May Be Handsome

As discussed in previous blogs I am having trouble making the type of friends that I need. The people that I want to see regularly are the ones I don’t get the chance to see often. (Case in point most of the people I saw last weekend) In my innumerable hours of soul searching I concluded that I needed to make more friends. So how do I, the introverted cripple go about doing this? I go online to find new people. Unfortunately, because I’m looking for a new method besides hipster music message boards (tried that and failed spectacularly), or through general chatting (even more spectacular in its failure) I’ve had to try *shudder*…  dating sites.

Would I like a date or two? Why not. I think its time for me to move on, don’t you? Particularly if she had long straight black hair, fair skin, a couple of tattoos in secret places, liked to talk politics and history and had an awesome taste in music I would be first in line. That would be a nice bonus. But what I’d really, really like is some new friends. I have been advised to change things up so I took a risk and dived into the sociological cesspool that is the world of online dating.

Problem with the cesspool is that so many use the same lines over and over thinking that they are original. Most of the undesirables fall into two categories. The overly desperate who list their qualities for desirable men who must live up to ‘their’ standards, which invariably includes a twelve point checklist. The other category is the teenyboppers who are under 20 and still think they’re on Myspace circa 2007. I was just me, however. Of course I made sure to put my best assets up the top (my academic prowess and intelligence) but unlike others I also put my flaws in as well (over analysis and a shade of arrogance).

The dilemma for a crip is how to broach the subject of disability. I went with the direct approach. One dating website wanted people to come up with a one line ‘first impression’ to encourage clicks on your profile. I went with:

I'll take you on a wild ride. (And I do mean that literally.) I even supply my own vehicle.

Once the profile is clicked I approach my disability in a no fuss easy going manner:

I have Cerebral Palsy and am in an electric wheelchair: but don't let that put you off. I am the classic case of not judging a book by its cover. Obviously I can't do any hiking or rock climbing, but would you settle for a ride on the back of a wheelchair? Those looking for something unique might like to ask themselves:
When was the last time your date had his own parking spot?
When was the last time your date got free drinks for you every time he went out just because he sat on his arse?
When was the last time your date got the best spots at gigs?

(Yes, being a cripple does have its advantages!)

Two days in and I’m 0/2 on the reply scale. It is early, I know but currently I have a worse batting average than Courtney Walsh. I’m no Sachin Tendulkar, but I’d settle for Mitchell Johnson. It only takes one ball to hit a towering six.

Pray that I don’t get too dirty in the cesspool at least for my sake.

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