The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective.
I started this blog almost a year ago, and this will most likely be my last entry before the year changes in its usual arbitrary manner. When I began writing for pleasure again by starting it I would have never imagined events this year would unfold the way they have, but I guess that’s how life works.
It occurred to me today that it was fifteen years since my family moved into our last house in Adelaide. If you had said to me then that in five years time we would have moved to Queensland I would have laughed and called you mad. Further to that point, if you were to say that in another ten years I would be doing a PhD in Political Science, I would have told you that my parents had a hard enough time getting me to read for a half an hour every morning, and gaining the will power to actually read the 100 odd books I have annotated this year would prove to be impossible.
Much the same principle can be applied when talking about 2009. Superficially not much has changed, I predicted that Tegan and Sara would dominate my musical year and they did. I predicted that most of the year would be dominated by my quest to prove myself academically and it has been. I could have predicted the loss a close friendship, which was the first major event this year. What I could not have predicted though is that ten months later, I would be completely swept away beyond my usual cognitive realm and actually develop feelings of love again. If you told me this at the beginning of year I would have had you committed.
To be sure it has been a bumpy ride and will probably continue to be so for quite some time. The cognitive person inside me knows this all too well for he can find every reason why this will only end in disaster. The emotional person in me however is only too happy to live in a world where his ultimate wish comes true and 2010 will become the year where both people can actually get everything they want for the first time. Some days the dream seems close enough to grasp, others so far away it is impossible to imagine a time where these dreams could become reality.
This paragraph that I wrote last night in a conversation may well sum up 2009 for me:
You love someone because they fill you with unparalleled happiness, you can picture all the big moments for the rest of your life and want to spend them with one person, and even on their shittiest day on their foulest of moods you can look into their eyes and your heart still skips a beat…..if you know what you want, or perhaps more importantly who you want, you fight to the death to get it. Love is simple, finding it is much harder.
Who knows how the year would have turned out if not for a few quirks of fate several years before. This year more than ever has proven that yes I make your own luck with the power of positive thinking, and that sometimes a little prod can help me along the way. I’ve also learnt that I cannot predict what next year will have in store. I may well end up committed if I tried.