Critics say my strategy breeds loneliness. I’ll die a bitter and lonely old man they say. I disagree. I would argue that the cream rises to the top. People who are comfortable with my life choices understand that it is what makes me happy. Others who fail to see this and conform to society’s expectations fail to understand me and are not people I wish to spend time with.
I’ve been watching One Tree Hill. It’s one of my favourite shows on television and there’s only one reason I keep on watching it. Her name, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer.
She’s everything I could possibly want in a woman. She’s smart, she’s independent, strong, dark, twisted, and by god is she hot. Most people would look at her shoulder length blonde hair, which is styled in a gentle weave. This would be enough to pull people in. However, to me all I see is those magnificent green eyes. You can see the pain in them, the roads that have been travelled. Alas like me there’s one moment where that all changes. Put on a really good song and she is enveloped with all her emotions. It carries her away off into the distant sun when nothing else does. That’s why I relate to her. Forget about the dead mothers, the stalkers, and the love triangles. Pity she’s a fictional character though, all the best women are either imagined, or so far removed from me they might as well be.
...music always helps no matter what you’re going through. so, if you flunk a big test, or have a really bad break up, or you just miss someone so much it hurts… music always helps
That’s a quote from the episode that just aired in the US. Take away the fact that she says it whilst recording a message to her unborn baby, (because the doctors told her she might die whilst giving birth) and it becomes a maxim for my life, almost like an epitaph, not just for my life, but those of countless others.
No doubt countless readers will laugh at me for taking the life and words of a teen soap character seriously, probably for good reason. Yes, I intellectualise things too much, perhaps I should enjoy the ride instead of trying to find meaning in a character who has had so many life tragedies its beyond the absurd. I’ve said on countless occasions that I prefer the company of the fictional world, as opposed to what confronts me in reality. It requires no effort, but more importantly its guarantees fulfillment. No pain, no broken hearts. It’s the butterflies in the stomach, without the gut wrenching pain. I’m sure I echo the words if countless others when I say there is nothing in this world that hurts more than the pain of rejection.
So I will indeed continue in the path of revelling in the company of fictional characters and my academic exploits. Yes some may view it as cowardice, but since adopting this new philosophy towards life I can confidently say that I’ve never been happier. The drama is gone, and so is the heartache, allowing me to be comfortable in my own skin, even if that means getting far too invested in teen soap operas.